I Got Too Involved #RideOrDie (Part 12)

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I visited him every 2 weeks after the first visit. I made a lot of sacrifices at the time but I didn’t care, as long as I got to see Him. For some reason I was always so excited despite the long waits, finger print scanning and sniffer dogs.

I just loved the fact that we were able to sit in a moment together just talking and joking for hours. No phones ringing, no interruptions. We hardly ever got to speak much on a serious level because he was such a closed person. He managed to get himself a job in the prison and was doing pretty well behavior wise so all I could think of was “early release”

I got myself so involved that I sent him things and wrote to him on a regular basis. I loved receiving phone calls (even though they only lasted 10 minutes) and letters from him which I put l in a special box along with the multicolored wristbands the prison gave you every visit.

I got so comfortable with the whole thing it became apart of my life. I put off plans and wanted to reach home at a certain time so I could read his letters, answer his phone calls on time, information about his case and speaking to solicitors. This is where the glue started to stick. I was informed he needed to provide some personal paper work which I had no idea how I was going to retrieve and on top of that, money to even afford a solicitor. In all honestly money was never the issue he handled all of that. It was a lot trying to find someone cheap and someone who had dealt with a case like his before.

I had to get in contact with his family to get this paperwork and then send it all off to be reviewed. I set up visits for his close friends to see him as well as his Mum who had tried so long to reach him. In my eyes I became that ride or die chick, I did whatever I could if it meant him coming home. It was stressful but I did it anyway, I felt that I owed him a lot after the pain and betrayal I had caused him.

We finally got the great news that he’d be getting an early release as the paperwork I sent cleared. The very last visit we spoke about our future and our plans for when he got out. It all sounded like a dream especially after what we had been through it was like that bright light you see at the end of a very dark tunnel. That power couple that had been through a lot but still made it in the end.

Little did I know I was in for the biggest shock of my life.

Stay tuned for part 13…..

Single women are bitter and lonely ?

So I’ve been hearing and reading tweets, posts and memes about this for the longest time and I just wanted to share my thoughts with you all
 
As much as I’d like to say I understand where some people are coming from when they mention these types of things the way it’s said and portrayed is completely wrong.
 
Let’s give you an example “On a night out with your girls a guy approaches one of your friends, you know in your gut all he wants to do is take her home for the night and pretend she never existed the next day”
 
As a friend you can’t allow that to happen so you tell him she’s not interested, she doesn’t want a drink and of course the famous line “she has a man”. In the midst of that he’s brushing you off, telling you where to go and grabbing your friend by the wrist. You have no choice but to get physical and force him off of your friend. Things then get heated and this alcohol influenced guy (same goes for the sober ones) then decides to call you out of your name, calls you the ugly friend tells you you’re lonely and that no one wants you.
 
Unfortunately for some that may be true. But for someone that has experienced this it can hit a small nerve. Everyone knows being single can be very lonely at times. What a lot of people don’t understand is that most of us are single by choice and we make certain decisions based on the fact of experience.
 
We don’t want our friends going off with that guy because we know he’s a bum not because we’re jealous and we want some attention too. Let’s be honest a club may not be the best place to meet the man of your dreams. (For those who have I envy you a little lol).
 
Single women aren’t bitter they’re just tired of the countless amount of jerks that approach them with the same nonsense. No one knows about the abusive relationship that you survived from, no one knows that you’ve finally got over a cheating scumbag.
 
Who wants to be woken up with a text asking to meet up with someone at a hotel? A Hotel meet up with the privilege of getting a ride there and back home stupid hours of the morning….how many of you have been offered that service?
 
A date out to a very expensive restaurant in exchange for what’s in between your legs… yes ladies do not be fooled by the Shard or Steak and Lobster because 9 times out of 10 he just wants to be pleasured. It’s sad that men go through such extreme measures to woo a girl just for one thing. And please I know women do this too but we’ll get on that another time.
 
Another scenario ? Of course ! Let’s not forget about the “when are you coming to see me?” types of guys I know for sure that 90% of you get asked this question which is then answered with “but I barely know you…”. They then offer to take you out and for and the hungry girls in the back of course we say yes and get taken to whichever restaurant. We’re then having a meaningful conversation to then be hit with “so, do you have a man?” not to say anything is wrong with this but if she did I doubt she’d be there. I feel not many guys enjoy the stage of getting to know a lady which is why we’re so quick to snap back and get annoyed at the fact that he isn’t asking the right questions.
 
Yes some conversations can get boring and yes the getting to know you stage can be a drag but if a lady feels she is being asked pointless questions just to get in between her legs then she has every right to tell you where the hell to stick it. It’s not being bitter it’s protecting her feelings so she’s able to continue her search for the right one. No one likes to waste time and if you’re not what she’s looking for then it’s okay for her to say no. Again she’s not bitter she just knows what she wants and it’s not you.
 
So for you bitter ladies out there don’t be offended when you politely reject him and he then suddenly grows some balls to tell you “you’re ugly anyway” because he clearly isn’t the one for you. Some guys don’t know how to take rejection well and its not up to you to change that.
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My First Prison Visit (Part 11)

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Here I was, standing outside this building at about 9:00am surrounded by tall walls and humongous doors. I couldn’t believe where I was and what I had got myself into. I kept thinking what would my parents think about me visiting someone in prison. I was only a few meters away from some real dangerous people. I was so nervous I couldn’t believe I was about to do this.
I called my sister and we both prayed that the visit would go well, that he was okay and he’d be out soon. I told her that I was scared about his reaction. He didn’t even know I was coming but he knew he had a visit. I knew I was probably going to cry but I didn’t want to just in case it made him look bad. I really didn’t know how to act. I didn’t even know what to say to him since we left on such bad terms, I didn’t even know if he wanted to see me.
Nerves were throbbing through my veins, standing outside this building waiting to confirm who I was visiting. It was almost like a clinic, we all had to queue outside on a first come first serve basis. I kept looking through the window thinking i’d see him but it was nothing but empty tables and chairs it looked a bit like a church hall Lol. A woman next to me told me that he wouldn’t be in there as its just the waiting area for visitors. We had to go into the prison its self to be able to see them. My heart sunk, all I could think of was the amount of criminals inside that building. These huge doors would open and large white vans with blacked out windows would pass. I heard someone whisper “They’re on their way to court” as the vans went past it sent shivers up my spine.
Finally a woman came to open the doors and told us to grab a form to fill out the prisoners details and take a raffle ticket which contained a number that she’d eventually call out in order for us to go in. I believe I got number 3. So I filled out his details grabbed my ticket and went to the toilet. Everyone looked as if they’d been there before. They were all just so calm it made me feel a little out of place. It seemed as if I was the only new person there. Luckily a young girl was kind enough to show me how things worked.
I wasn’t allowed to bring anything with me apart from my locker key and some money to buy food from the canteen once I got inside. We put our belongings away and headed into another room to be scanned into their system. They took my passport details, a photo of me and my fingerprint. Scary right? it made me feel like I was the prisoner Lol. Once that was done they gave us a wristband and off we went back into the main room to wait for our number to be called.
“Number 3 !” I stood up and I swear I couldn’t feel my legs. Off we all went outside to then enter the main building……one by one we had to scan our fingerprints again…take off our shoes and go through metal detectors. As I put my shoes back on the young girl told me that we didn’t have to go through anymore security and once we leave this building we’d be going into the next building to see him. I took the biggest deep breath and held onto my chest.
We came out the security building which lead us to this small outside area. Facing me was this building that almost looked like a school there was a man standing outside this metal gate waiting for us to enter. We got to the gate and the young girl behind me tapped my shoulder and smiled. I gave her a blank stare and told myself it was too late to turn back. He opened the gate and again I was met with this long corridor. I was tired of all the doors, the security and the waiting.
We got to the end and took a left. There was a door at the end of this small hallway with a window. There it was, the visiting area….I peeked through and saw tables, chairs, a child’s play area and a few prisoners. I could hear people behind me talking about queuing up for the canteen because it can get real busy. The young lady warned me to get some snacks before I saw him but I didn’t care about that I just wanted to see him.
They took a while to let us in because a few prisoners were still being seated. I continued to look around waiting to see him. It didn’t take long to spot him. Even though he’d been there for a week or 2 he didn’t look to bad. I thought he’d look scared or shaken up but he just sat there waiting so patiently. I couldn’t help but think “my poor baby” I just wanted to squeeze him and tell him everything would be okay. I felt a lump in my throat…….The doors finally opened..
Stay Tuned For Part 12………
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He Went to prison (Part 10)

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I receive a message from my cousin asking if iv’e seen someones Snapchat. I then call her to ask what she was talking about because I couldn’t believe what she was telling me. I knew it. I just knew it. Leo had been locked up….and I just had this feeling that it was for something stupid.
That same night I received a phone call from Leo’s phone. It was a female. She told me that Leo had been locked up and that i’d need to meet up with her to drop off his things. I knew this was a bunch of nonsense 1. simply because me and Leo left on real bad terms and we hadn’t spoken for at least 3 months. 2. Leo has never given me his things because he knew I didn’t want anything to do with whatever he got himself into even if it was just clothes.
The girl on the phone was clearly confused because there was someone in the background telling her what to say to me. I told her I had nothing to do with Leo anymore, neither did I have anything of his belongings. I hung up and started to search through social media to find many “Free Leo” posts. As bad as it sounds I just couldn’t help myself from laughing because I just knew it, I can’t lie to you it was a bitter sweet feeling it was one of those “I told you so moments”. I constantly told him that one day something like this would happen if he didn’t be careful.
So I called his brother and asked what happened. He told me that he got 6 months and didn’t know what had happened. The last time I spoke to Leo he told me that he no longer cared for me, He couldn’t wait to marry someone else, have kids and rub it in my face. After that I swore i’d never speak to him again. Even though I still felt such rage and upset towards him I couldn’t help but want to know what had happened.
I called Leo’s phone and asked the girl for his details, she was acting a little weird, as if she didn’t want me to know where he was. She made me wait hours until I finally got information from his brother. I decided to call the prison and book a visit to see him……..boy did I just make the biggest mistake…
Stay Tuned For Part 11………
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I was forced to move on (Part 9)

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From what I remember me and Leo didn’t speak for two days after that “Incident” I couldn’t eat and I could barely sleep. I wanted to tell Leo so bad but I didn’t know how. P.s I’m not good at holding things in, especially when its something that I’ve done wrong. So I called my sister and my best friend to get their opinion Of course they both said not to tell him but I had to say something one way or another.
That same night Leo popped up and again all we did was argue. He said something that triggered me and out it came, just like that ” I cheated on you”. I don’t remember much from that convo but at first he didn’t believe me. I texted some of his friends to share the “news” and of course they were all disappointed as a few of them thought highly of our relationship.
I felt like rubbish and I knew exactly what I had just put him through simply because of Prince Charming. I was upset that I put him in the same position I was in. I was broken after being cheated on and as you all know by now it affected me in the worst way. So I begged to see him one night and I cried my eyes out, explaining why and begged for forgiveness.

He didn’t act how I thought me would, he was actually very sincere, listened what I had to say, he told me that he would forgive me but no longer trusted me. I took that and ran with it because I didn’t want to loose him. The next couple of months were awkward as hell. I tried so hard to prove to him that I was sorry. I deleted every boy on in my contacts and gave him access to my phone. Everything he said he was cautious of I no longer did. I was much more supportive and let him do what he needed to do, even though he still didn’t give me much time I didn’t complain because I felt I deserved such treatment after what I had done.

After a few months he started to get selfish and spoke to me as if I was something on the bottom of his shoe. He used the fact that I cheated every time to justify his actions towards me and at the time I just took it. Things between us just weren’t getting better and his friends would tell me to let him be.
I felt like he hated me, nothing I did for him was enough because “I cheated”. I knew what I did was wrong but he made sure I never forgot it. Things went from bad to worse but I stayed because I wanted to prove to him how sorry I was. I didn’t want to leave him thinking I cheated and I didn’t care for him. I knew things would never be the same but I kept looking back at how we were and held on to so much false hope.
We’d break up for months and then start talking again, this time round he no longer used me cheating as an excuse for our arguments. Of course I still felt guilty but it was like things were going back to how they were. He booked a hotel for us to stay in which was lovely, huge bed, breakfast in the morning and some alone time with the person I felt I owed so much to.
Of course that didn’t last long, at this point I felt that I had done all I could to prove to him that I was sorry. It clearly wasn’t enough so I finally let him go.
My life took a turn for the better. I started a new job, bought myself a car and started my YouTube channel. Even me and Prince Charming were on good terms, he showed up in my area one night and we had a genuine conversation about our current situations. He told me that he saw potential in me and to not let guys and past situationships define me. I appreciated what he was saying as he never really apologised for what he did so I kind of took that as his apology lol
I don’t know how but me and Prince Charming started to get close again but more in a friendly way. I’d go to his place to catch up on Power, watch movies, and we’d genuinely enjoy each others company. He drove so we took little trips out and one time we even went to the zoo which was actually amazing Lol. I won’t lie I was getting my hopes up a lot because it felt like old times, if not better. I could act myself around him, he was actually a real good friend. I could tell him anything, he gave me advice and was always there when I needed him. I spent so long trying to find closure over our situation by waiting days, months even years for an apology from him but I guess this was his way of saying sorry…
Stay Tuned For Part 10…….
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I Cheated (Part 8)

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Things would get better then it would get worse. Ever heard of the saying 2 steps forward 10 steps back? Yea? Well that’s exactly how it was with us. I no longer felt like his girlfriend, I was constantly complaining about him getting a job and staying off the streets. He stopped listening to me and started listening more to his “friends” I never trusted them and felt they were all a bad influence (little did I know)
I remember asking to spend the day wit him because I was just tired of the petty arguments and the back and forth. Of course he told me he had “business” to take care of and that he’d come and see me later on. His later on didn’t mean 6 in the evening….dinner time “we’ll go out to eat” it meant when 11pm sometimes even 1am and the pattern continued.
I was so tired of stressing about him, we had this huge argument outside my work place one night because I was speaking to a colleague who happened to be a male. Leo didn’t like the fact that we were joking and laughing , I’m guessing he thought I was interested in this guy little did he know he was way older than me. Leo being Leo decided it was okay to start being disrespectful so I pulled him away and decided to call it a day. I really thought that was it for us but we broke up for about 6 months.
In that time I had met someone. He (let’s call him Shaun) slid into my DM’s one day and we got close. I decided to go and see him and it honestly felt like a breath of fresh air he lived in Harrow and Wealdstone which was north of London, pretty far from home Lol but it was nice to be away. We would go on shopping trips, dates out to eat and would watch movies without hearing a phone ring every 5 minutes.
I met his parents and a few other family members which was nice and we even took trips out with his niece and my nephew one time. I didn’t really want anything serious then since I was quite fresh out of a long term relationship with Leo. He wasn’t really ready for a himself so I guess you could say we were friends with benefits. It was hard don’t get me wrong because we were doing things everyday couples would. I spent almost every weekend at his place for the past 2/3 months.
I started to get a bit tired of travelling to Shaun’s, it would take a 45 minute bus journey and then an hour train ride. I would ask him to come and see me instead but he always had an excuse. I finally put my foot down and told him that I’d no longer travel to see him if he wasn’t willing to do the same for me. So I stopped going but we would occasionally text here and there. After a while things just fizzled out.
A month or two after not speaking to Sean, Leo Pops back up and of course us being us decided we’d try things again by taking baby steps. He promised to give me more of his time and I told him that I’d support whatever decision he made when it came to his “business” bare in mind he told me that he’d use the money he’s made to invest in his own clothing line so I was more than happy to support. Not much went on, we still didn’t really speak much neither did I see him often. We went through the same pattern of me asking to spend the day with him and him thinking it’s okay to turn up at my place at stupid o,clock.
One morning we planned to spend the day together. I got myself ready and was so excited for the day ahead. Leo messages me and says he’s going to have to see me “later” and you all already know what later means in his language. The anger that was built up inside me I couldn’t even explain to you guys but out of nowhere Shaun Pops up “wyd today?” I couldn’t help but think this was some sort of test since me and Leo already spoke about making things work.
The mood I was in at the time and the way I was feeling I honestly didn’t care. I told Shaun I wasn’t doing anything and he told me to come down so we could “spend the day together” go cinema because he wanted to “make it up to me” so I thought why not. I’m dressed and someone actually wants to spend time with me. I didn’t even reply to Leo I just left it.
Off I went to Harrow and Wealdstone not knowing I was about to make one of the biggest mistakes in my life. I got to his place and sat in his room while he got in the shower to get ready. Leo wasn’t even on my mind at this point I just wanted to use the time with Shaun as a distraction at the time. So Sean comes out of the shower looking fresh as ever p.s he had the most amazing skin, it literally had a natural golden glow i was always so fascinated by it LOOL I’m not lying. Anyways without me going into detail we got intimate.
Like I said at the time Leo wasn’t on my mind and at this point Shaun was giving me everything Leo wasn’t. Immediately after I felt sick to my stomach. I couldn’t believe the fact that I just cheated on someone I loved especially after everything I went through with “Prince Charming” I felt disgusted and so disappointed in myself.
I don’t remember staying long after that so I got up and left. That journey home felt like it had taken several hours. I blocked and deleted Shaun’s number in a heartbeat and told myself i’d never speak to him again. All I could think about was Leo….if and how I would even explain to him what had just happened. All because I wasn’t getting attention…..
Stay Tuned For Part 9………
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I was Wrong…(Part 7)

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As he started to make more money I spent less time with him. It went from seeing him at 12pm and spending all day with him to him coming to see me at 12am. Sometimes even later.
The fact that all the attention I once craved and loved so much was fading away “again” made me angry and stressed me out. I complained a lot and started to question why he was acting so different. He always wanted to be out, he didn’t like staying in with me anymore. Even when it came to us spending the night together I couldn’t even sleep. He’d constantly be on his phones and I say phones because he had more than one.
If his phone rang in the middle of us doing anything he wouldn’t hesitate to pick it up. He never missed a phone call and didn’t like it when I would ask for him to silence them. As bad as it sounds I started listening in on his phone calls and it became obvious what he was doing especially since he quit both of his jobs.
Card fraud. It explained the huge amounts of money, multiple phones, the constant phone calls. Honestly cheating never really crossed my mind, especially since “Prince Charming” I knew the type of signs I needed to look out for plus I trusted Leo a lot.
I mean looking back at it now I believe that finding out he was doing fraud should have been the point where I ended things. I say this because I started to get real paranoid and things went from bad to worse. I Didn’t like him leaving me late at night I was scared he would get robbed. A lot of people knew who he was and he wasn’t afraid to show anyone who he was hence why he’d flash cash here and there, be walking around with flashy chains, shoes, belts you name it.
Back then a lot of people were doing fraud like it was a trend. Despite all the money he had It never really phased me. Some girls love a guy with a lot of money but me personally I couldn’t stand it. I rarely asked him for anything. A mans money has never made me like them more or less simply because I’ve been able to make my own money since I left school.
I started noticing that I was the one celebrating birthdays and Christmases but not getting anything in return, like I said before I didn’t ask for much. I remember one year on my birthday all I got was a phone call to say happy birthday and that was it. Call me selfish but for someone that makes double the amount I make in a month in just one day it does make you think. I remember buying him an expensive jacket for Christmas and he threw it in the bin. My mum was there the day I bought it and she asked if he bought me anything. She told me that he’d be no good and from then, every time he came around she’d look at me funny but wouldn’t say anything.
(P.s your mum knows your lovers and friends more than you do)
Things just deteriorated, we would argue about the most petty things and he’d accuse me of talking to other guys. We broke up multiple times and would go months without talking to each other. He’d say hurtful things and ill be honest with you words get to me, especially when its personal and from the mouth of someone that tells you they love you.
He’d tell me that his friends tell him things about me but would never say what those things were. Would mock certain things I did and would tell me that i’m boring and i’m not fun to be around. He’d say i’m lonely and had no friends and would stay that way (to some extent this is true LOL) We would have serious conversations to the point where i’d be crying and he’d just laugh in my face. Whenever I was upset he had no remorse. The things he would say to me completely knocked my confidence. I could no longer act myself around him, I completely closed myself off I felt intimidated by him and was so scared to do certain things in case he didn’t like it.
My sister even asked me why I don’t act myself around him and I was too ashamed to tell her why. Our relationship became very toxic. He told me he no longer wanted to work and that he would put money aside for a business he wanted to start up. This never happened. I constantly bugged him about going back to work because I was afraid he’d get locked up one day but he never listened. More money was spent and people would steal from him in which he’d then talk about getting his money back and we all know what that would result in. I swear my anxiety was through the roof.
I always thought about how in the world we were going to be able to raise a child since he didn’t have a stable income. I wold threat about becoming a single mother with a baby father in prison. I was too scared to leave him because I couldn’t stand the thought of being alone again, having to meet someone new and go through the whole process again. I just didn’t know what to do. I honestly felt like the money was just going to his head he completely changed.
Stay Tuned For Part 8…..
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