I know a lot of you are thinking “she can’t be serious” by looking at the title. But it’s true and looking back I wish I could just shake myself, but let me explain.
I still wanted him and that was that. I completely cut off my best friend but I still wanted to work things out with him. He was no longer interested I could tell but he would still give me the attention I wanted, sometimes. I took anything I could get at the time even if it was to see him for five minutes. I remember buying him a present on his birthday using money that wasn’t mine I did the same for Christmas. I know guys this is what love does to some people just let me finish my story Lol.
He was a huge flirt at school, had a large amount of female friends and believe me he made sure he entertained every single one of them. We stopped meeting after school and I’d see him walking home girls, the flirting couldn’t be anymore obvious and I swear it burnt me to the point where I just wanted to beat the hell out of him. Sadly that night I probably cried myself to sleep.
I’d still call, still text. This was the time school had finished. He came to see me one night and I remember constantly looking over at his phone whenever he was messaging. I was so paranoid I always had this feeling he was texting a girl. One night I went over to his, things were awkward as hell aka they just weren’t the same. I remember us getting intimate and right after he told me to leave so he could play Fifa online with his boys. That night I left his place at about 10/11pm and walked home. Baring in mind I lived about 10-15 mins away by bus and 20/25 minutes on foot. I called my sister and had the biggest break down it caused me to have a panic attack so she had to call my parents to come and get me.
Of course I didn’t want to tell them the reason I’m having the fattest breakdown, because of a boy. If you have Jamaican parents you know they’d just tell you to shut up and get over it. They even asked me if I wanted to move to Jamaica for a while because of how bad things were. From me not attending school, having these breakdowns and not leaving my room. Telling family I no longer wanted to be alive…..yeah the list goes on I guess my parents were just fed up. He never even called or messaged that night to see if I got home safe.
It all became to much for me and I believe I was on the verge of depression. My family thought I needed some serious help, they made me feel like some type of reckless animal but of course I didn’t want to tell them that the way I’ve been acting is because I wanted someone that no longer wanted me. Id try and change so much about myself to impress him, from looks to personality one minute I thought it was working and the next it wasn’t. It was like taking 2 steps forward and one step back.
No matter how hard I tried to move on i just couldn’t.
Stay Tuned For Part 5…..