Things would get better then it would get worse. Ever heard of the saying 2 steps forward 10 steps back? Yea? Well that’s exactly how it was with us. I no longer felt like his girlfriend, I was constantly complaining about him getting a job and staying off the streets. He stopped listening to me and started listening more to his “friends” I never trusted them and felt they were all a bad influence (little did I know)
I remember asking to spend the day wit him because I was just tired of the petty arguments and the back and forth. Of course he told me he had “business” to take care of and that he’d come and see me later on. His later on didn’t mean 6 in the evening….dinner time “we’ll go out to eat” it meant when 11pm sometimes even 1am and the pattern continued.
I was so tired of stressing about him, we had this huge argument outside my work place one night because I was speaking to a colleague who happened to be a male. Leo didn’t like the fact that we were joking and laughing , I’m guessing he thought I was interested in this guy little did he know he was way older than me. Leo being Leo decided it was okay to start being disrespectful so I pulled him away and decided to call it a day. I really thought that was it for us but we broke up for about 6 months.
In that time I had met someone. He (let’s call him Shaun) slid into my DM’s one day and we got close. I decided to go and see him and it honestly felt like a breath of fresh air he lived in Harrow and Wealdstone which was north of London, pretty far from home Lol but it was nice to be away. We would go on shopping trips, dates out to eat and would watch movies without hearing a phone ring every 5 minutes.
I met his parents and a few other family members which was nice and we even took trips out with his niece and my nephew one time. I didn’t really want anything serious then since I was quite fresh out of a long term relationship with Leo. He wasn’t really ready for a himself so I guess you could say we were friends with benefits. It was hard don’t get me wrong because we were doing things everyday couples would. I spent almost every weekend at his place for the past 2/3 months.
I started to get a bit tired of travelling to Shaun’s, it would take a 45 minute bus journey and then an hour train ride. I would ask him to come and see me instead but he always had an excuse. I finally put my foot down and told him that I’d no longer travel to see him if he wasn’t willing to do the same for me. So I stopped going but we would occasionally text here and there. After a while things just fizzled out.
A month or two after not speaking to Sean, Leo Pops back up and of course us being us decided we’d try things again by taking baby steps. He promised to give me more of his time and I told him that I’d support whatever decision he made when it came to his “business” bare in mind he told me that he’d use the money he’s made to invest in his own clothing line so I was more than happy to support. Not much went on, we still didn’t really speak much neither did I see him often. We went through the same pattern of me asking to spend the day with him and him thinking it’s okay to turn up at my place at stupid o,clock.
One morning we planned to spend the day together. I got myself ready and was so excited for the day ahead. Leo messages me and says he’s going to have to see me “later” and you all already know what later means in his language. The anger that was built up inside me I couldn’t even explain to you guys but out of nowhere Shaun Pops up “wyd today?” I couldn’t help but think this was some sort of test since me and Leo already spoke about making things work.
The mood I was in at the time and the way I was feeling I honestly didn’t care. I told Shaun I wasn’t doing anything and he told me to come down so we could “spend the day together” go cinema because he wanted to “make it up to me” so I thought why not. I’m dressed and someone actually wants to spend time with me. I didn’t even reply to Leo I just left it.
Off I went to Harrow and Wealdstone not knowing I was about to make one of the biggest mistakes in my life. I got to his place and sat in his room while he got in the shower to get ready. Leo wasn’t even on my mind at this point I just wanted to use the time with Shaun as a distraction at the time. So Sean comes out of the shower looking fresh as ever p.s he had the most amazing skin, it literally had a natural golden glow i was always so fascinated by it LOOL I’m not lying. Anyways without me going into detail we got intimate.
Like I said at the time Leo wasn’t on my mind and at this point Shaun was giving me everything Leo wasn’t. Immediately after I felt sick to my stomach. I couldn’t believe the fact that I just cheated on someone I loved especially after everything I went through with “Prince Charming” I felt disgusted and so disappointed in myself.
I don’t remember staying long after that so I got up and left. That journey home felt like it had taken several hours. I blocked and deleted Shaun’s number in a heartbeat and told myself i’d never speak to him again. All I could think about was Leo….if and how I would even explain to him what had just happened. All because I wasn’t getting attention…..
Stay Tuned For Part 9………