Most people would call me crazy some would say I feel your pain. Having a friend with an incarcerated partner baffled me until I was put in her shoes. I always said to myself that if my partner ended up in prison for whatever reason or amount of time that I would end the relationship.
That all fell down the drain once I found out my ex got arrested. Of course I hesitated at first, I wondered if it was smart to get involved because this is nothing like waiting for your friend to get out of detention after school. After finding out what he went to prison for and how long he got I thought I was super woman and did all I could to help him.
Before you all start thinking things, he didn’t murder anyone nor did he rob a bank. He was inside for being caught with class B drugs, weapons that weren’t his and a large amount of money. Of course this is still doesn’t justify anything but this was someone I loved.
At this time things were hard, nothing is more stressful than wanting to be with someone physically and you just cant. Speaking to solicitors, dealing with documents and arranging visits were a nightmare. Let me tell you booking visits for me was one thing I hated about the whole thing. I could only see him once every 2 weeks. I had to use this booking system online and would have to wait 24hrs to get a response.
If someone had already booked a visit with him I wouldn’t be able to see him until until the next visit was available which would be in the next 2 weeks so that’s 4 weeks! I had to wait for my number to be put on his system before he could even call me. Calls only lasted 10 minutes. Sending and receiving letters was hell. Doesn’t really matter if you send them mail 1st class, governors will give them post whenever they feel like it. It took about a week and a half to receive letters from him.
The day of the visit isn’t so great. There’s a lot of waiting, finger printing and security checks which is understandable. Its just an intense process especially when there’s sniffer dogs. This probably took about 30 minutes to an hour. The only thing they allow to take with you is your locker key and money to buy food at the snack bar.
Now let’s get into some good shall we?
Of course its a good feeling seeing your partner after waiting 2-4 weeks. It was nice to just sit there and speak to him. Even though we were together for about 3 years we never really got a chance to just sit down and have a deep conversation. The visits only lasted 2 hours which felt like 15 minutes but you learn to squeeze all you can from that time because you never know when you’ll next see them.
This post is in no way shape or form to influence you ladies to hold your men down in prison for whatever reason. This is just to give you a little insight of what it was like for me and what to expect. It will be different for most of you depending on your partners situation.
Honestly my experience wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I always pictured prison visits like you see in those american movies – Having to speak to your partner through those glass screens and not being able to touch them but it wasn’t like that at all.
My advice to anyone in this situation is patience is key.