Recently I haven’t been in a good place. My mind has been driving me crazy and my stress levels, through the roof. Being a Virgo I tend to over think a lot of things and I make decisions based on my emotions. Negative thinking, not having much faith in myself and my ability to do things have always been a big issue for me and it has taken me up until now to realise that this is a bigger issue than I thought it was.
I’ve felt this way since late secondary school and pretty much all the way through my teen years up until 20. On the positive side it isn’t as bad as it was back then and it has been at least a year and a bit since I’ve felt like this but as its crept back, I no longer want to face this on my own.
I’ve always thought about speaking to a professional about the way I’ve been feeling but I brush it off hoping that it would go away. I know it isn’t normal to be having these types of thoughts even though it’s been a while since I’ve felt like this, something has to be done.
I’ve never said I have depression simply because I haven’t been diagnosed and seeing how serious people take it, I don’t want to be throwing it around with the effect of it upsetting someone. I haven’t had the confidence to seek professional help because in my family we were raised to just get up and get over it. The more I see people open up about depression and mental health gives me hope that there are people out there that aren’t as afraid as I am to talk about it.
As comfortable as it is to speak about how I’m feeling to others I purposely miss out the major issues. When talking to my friends they never really know what to say and I don’t want to burden anyone with such negativity neither do I want to be asked “Why do you feel like this?” because 9 times out of 10 I really and truly don’t know.
There are so many things in life I have to be grateful for and I feel that me being “depressed” is an act of selfishness simply because I’m not homeless, critically ill or on my death-bed. I know I shouldn’t think like that but most times I’m just down for the sake of being down and can’t explain why.
After watching this video this morning I realised it was time to finally get some proper help. She mentions so much in this video which clarifies that I just can’t do this alone and has made me feel so much more positive about whats to come.
For those of you who are going through depression or feel as is you are then I encourage you to watch this to reassure you that you aren’t the only one. Speak up and talk to whoever you feel comfortable with about it you never know how that person could help you or how much weight can be lifted of your shoulders.
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