Relationships Aren’t Easy For Me

If you ask anyone that has ever been in a relationship they’d tell you the same thing. Relationships aren’t easy. Take me for instance, someone that has gone through heartbreak after heartbreak, disappointment after disappointment you slowly start to distance yourself with all things in relation to being in love again.

It got to a point where I didn’t even like looking in the same direction a man was, the thought of loving someone again petrified me and I just couldn’t handle the stress. I couldn’t come to terms with pouring all my love into one glass for someone to take sips whenever they felt like it to then just leave whatever is left like they’re no longer thirsty.

The thing with me is when I love, I love hard. I put all my eggs in one basket (when I feel the time is right) I like to not just speak the words of love but follow through with action. I like to text back fast, regular phone calls and letting my man know how much I love and appreciate him. I love going out on spontaneous dates just as much as staying at home laying on the couch binge watching various TV series.

As I’ve mentioned in many other posts I over think a lot. I used to nitpick at the smallest things like, he hasn’t texted or called me today so he must be cheating or he just isn’t that into me. He doesn’t want to spend the day with me so he doesn’t care about me. He’s taking too long to reply so I’m clearly not that important.

Thinking like this ruined so many potential relationships and I came to realize that it wasn’t them, it was me. Constantly thinking that way isn’t normal neither is it healthy for you. My thoughts became toxic which made my relationships toxic. I was insecure and carried the baggage of past relationships with me. I would constantly compare my ex to my next and I found myself running the same race over and over again.

I hated hearing people say “love yourself before you love someone else” but it’s so true! If you don’t love yourself you cant expect someone else to. I took some time out to work on myself and do what I would do for others, for me.

Take trips out alone, to the cinema, to a restaurant or even for a walk to just clear my head. I took the extra step by travelling abroad on my own and that helped me to discover so much more about myself.

My current relationship would not last as long as it has if I had the same mentality I did over a year ago. I would not have the confidence I do now to leave the house with a face full of acne if I sat back and waited for a man to tell me how beautiful I was.

A good relationship starts with you.

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