Hey my beautiful readers !
I know it’s been a while and I apologise from the deepest depths of my heart. Work life has stolen me away from you all and I can’t tell you how busy I have been. I don’t have much of an update for you apart from working my backside off but I’ll be honest with you all,
It…..has been hard. I had such high hopes that this year was going to be MY YEAR but its been tough.While it hasn’t been all bad, unfortunately it hasn’t been all good.
I know I’m not the only one currently going through this struggle when it comes to where I’m expected to be in life. I want this post to reassure those of you that it is okay to go at your own pace. And that it is okay to not be where you want to be right now even though you have been putting in the work.
I’ve been beating myself up for the longest about not being where I want to be as far as in a committed relationship, having or at least being in the process of establishing my own business, having my own place, my own car etc…. let me tell you now. Those that I have listed are what I DO NOT have. I’ll admit for a long time I was stressing myself, going through anxiety and being depressed because of this. I was not happy. I tried to force so much onto myself without sitting down and really taking to time to notice what it was doing to me physically and mentally. I was doing things that people expected of me and settling for a relationship I knew wasn’t right for me.
I had to stop, sit down and think. All I’ve ever wanted in life was to be happy, I was forcing myself to do things that did not make me happy. There’s a lot that we already know such as there will always be someone prettier, someone smarter, etc… but in this day and age whenever there’s someone richer, someone more successful we automatically think less of ourselves. We act as if we can’t also be successful and wealthy, we discredit our hard work and forget that these things take time. Everyone’s chasing that Instagram lifestyle, that fast cash and it all comes at a cost. There are young girls spilling their personal business all over the internet, young boys killing and robbing just for this lifestyle everyone wants. One thing I’ve always known about myself is that I work hard for what I want the right way and I encourage you all do to this. I’ll admit I love a shortcut but all it has done it bring me right back to square one.
So being back at square one (which is okay!) I’m happy to say that Alison is finally doing what Alison wants. As embarrassing as this may sound I took my very first swimming lesson yesterday and I can’t express enough how excited I was and how proud it made me. I’ve always wanted to know how to swim, especially since I want to travel. I have another trip booked in the next couple of weeks so I’m determined to know how to swim before then Lol.
I am no longer forcing myself or rushing to start this or that business. Experience is important so I’m not limiting myself to do the things I felt that I could only do. In a world like today the opportunities are limitless so why give yourself fixed options and not explore? Who’s knows after my swimming lessons I may want to become an instructor. I just want to give myself the chance to try different things. There’s nothing more frustrating at being good at something that doesn’t really excite you so it feels like you can’t do anything else. There are so many things you can be good at, it’s a matter of finding out what they are.
I’m no longer in a rush to buy a car anymore because I know I don’t need one. A few years back I was desperate to drive especially since I passed my driving test, I just wanted a car. So I bought this car for it to just sit in my car park, insurance coming out of my account every month for a car that I don’t even drive. I took my family on food shopping trips and that’s about it. All because I wanted people to know that I had a car……I’ m still working on spending money on things I need rather than want and slowly working towards my happy place.
To be continued…….